I’ve always been a night owl. It’s like all my creative and mischievous juices start to flow in body past bedtime. No wonder why I’m the one who has passed on these insomniac genes to my children. If you think toddler-hood will bring about a change, be ready to get disappointed.
As opposed to infants, tots are clever creatures. In their dimly-lit rooms, they would brainstorm the most innovative and funniest excuses to dodge sleep time.
I asked around, spoke to a few couples about the funniest bedtime excuses they’ve heard from their tots. If you too have gone through bedtime argument with your kids, you must have heard one or more of these:
Funny Excuses Kids Use at Bedtime:
1. “But I’m hungry!”
For the love of God! Why would they feel like eating bacon at 3 A.M in the morning? This is by far the most common excuses of all time. They will nag the hell out on the dinner table. And then when their parents are finally about to relax, they’ll hear “Mommy!! I’m hungry, I can’t sleep”. This is sheer tyranny, I tell you!
2. “Would read me a book, please?”
Aw! The gleam of hope in their puppy-like eyes. As much as you want to scream your guts out that you’re tired, you simply can’t. Sometimes, they’d plead you to read a particular chapter again and again. Mind you, this is a military-level tactic to thwart bedtime, be careful!
3. The Facade of Fan
“Switch off the fan, daddy. I’m getting cold”, “Can you please turn it on and increase the speed a little? it’s too hot”, “It’s too fast, I can’t sleep, lower the speed, daddy”. By the time the fan speed is conditioned to their comfort, it’s almost 4 a.m.
4. “There’s something under my bed, I’m scared”
Don’t let your kids watch too many of those run-of-the-mill horror movies. They will instantly learn the trick and use it to stay up late. Yes, you shouldn’t right away refuse to look under their bed or in the closet for the first few times. But once you notice them using this line repeatedly, you should know what they are up to.
5. “Where are my toys?”
My tots would throw off their toys in arbit directions all day. But as soon as they are in bed, they’d say “I need my Bugbear, I can’t sleep without him Mommy”/ “Sarah (name of my daughter’s doll) is hungry, can I have some snacks for her, please?”. You, being a good mommy that you are, will feel obliged.
6. “I can’t sleep with/without the light”
Babies really know how to get on our nerves, don’t they? Sometimes the nightlight is too bright for them, and sometimes too dark. Trust me, that’s just another lame bedtime excuse. You won’t be able to find a perfect nightlight for you tot anywhere in the world.
Because it does not exist!!
While these above 6 are evergreen excuses, the list of funny excuses is literally endless. Here are a few more tots often use to get out of going to bed:
● “But I’m not tired yet”.
● “I need to pee” a hundred times.
● “I’m thirsty” perhaps a hundred times.
● “I’m too cold” under a thick woolen blanket.
● “This pillow is too uncomfortable”. Everything is too uncomfortable!
● “XYZ pet is too scared, I need to take care of him”.
● “XYZ pet isn’t sleeping, how can I?”.
● “My PJs are too small/ too tight/ too big”.
● The much dreaded- “Mommy, how was I born?.
● A bunch of philosophical questions that’ll put Plato and Foucault to shame.
I would take me and you a lifetime to list down all the creative, funny and insane excuses toddlers use at bedtime. But hey! If you look at the brighter side, doesn’t that mean your tot is one hell of a smart guy?